Sunday, April 6, 2014

Mini Break

Yesterday, Seth and I took the dogs to the Keys for a nice little mini vacation. My BIL just bought a house down there so we decided to first take the dogs to a new state park in the morning and then spend the day visiting Seth's brother. It was so nice. The park was really similar to the state park that we go to near the house. Lots of trees and shade, but it was less crowded than our park. There was a lot to see too - lots of limestone with fossilized coral, birds, butterflies, and new smells for Binks and Bear.

Then we went a little farther south to the next Key were my BIL now lives. The house was so cute. It's just a little cottage type place (that needs a bit of work) but the yard was awesome. It's big in the front and in the back and it's completely fenced in so Binks and Bear could stay outside all day. There's also a wide deck along 3 sides of the house and docks along the canal. It was nice to just sit on the water and watch the dogs chase the iguanas off the dock. Seth and I also brought our kayak down and took it out into the bay. We saw a nurse shark!

We also "came out" to some IRL friends for the first time too. We knew that they were having trouble because my BIL mentioned it to us, but I didn't feel like it was his information to share so we never talked to them about it. Yesterday, the wife told me us that she was getting ready to try IVF so we told her that we were doing it too. It turns out that they have been trying for eight years. EIGHT years. It didn't sound like they were really trying the whole time (she and her husband lived in separate countries for a year or two at one point), but that must have been a very long and difficult eight years. She tried IUI twice and also had laparoscopic surgery. Her diagnosis is unexplained infertility. They just started working with an RE in the US and expect him to recommend that they move to IVF now.

It didn't go like I imagined it would. I thought that it would be nice to have someone to talk who would understand what we're going through, but I'm not sure that she will be someone that I can really relate to about this. She's a wonderful person, incredibly kind, but we're very different. She's more like Seth - unfailingly optimistic whereas I'm more guarded and realistic. She seems very confident that IVF is going to give her all of the kids she wants, while I'm still terrified that I might not even get one.

She also said some things that bugged me. When I said that I was diagnosed with endometriosis, she told me that it was great! At least I have a diagnosis and most people with endometriosis have the problem fixed during surgery. While that may be the case for some people, it hasn't been true for me. It bothered me that she thought I should be happy that I have a disease that will cause me pain and problems for most of my life. I understand that it's frustrating to not know what the problem is, but it's also frustrating to know what the problem is and not know how to solve it. Surgery didn't work. IVF #1 didn't work.

Another thing that bothered me was when she said that I didn't need to go through treatment right now because you don't really need to worry until it's been two or three years. As if we were jumping the gun and overreacting. Umm, 12 months is the medical standard. Maybe we don't need to do IVF. We could decide to give up and not pursue treatments. But we don't want to. If we want a decent chance of having a child, we do need to do this now. I can't imagine what eight years of infertility feels like, but that doesn't mean that 20 months doesn't suck too. Again, I understand why she'd say this - she's 10 years older than me - but I couldn't help feeling like our pain was being minimized.

Gosh that was long. I just needed to get that out. Like I said, she's a wonderful person. I don't think we'll be IF buddies but I'm sure she's the type of person to add me to her prayer list and that means more than enough to me.

On the bright side, during our conversation she kept struggling to find the right words (she speaks Spanish) for all of the reproductive terminology and testing and Seth was able to translate everything. I was so proud. He might not have much to say, but it's nice to know that he's always listening to me <3

IVF #2 Progress Report
Status: Suppression phase
BCP: 13 down, 7 to go
Days until baseline: 10


  1. I'd like to deck her. I'm sorry, I know that she's family, but ARGH!!! I'm glad that you can rise above the situation to see that she's just in a different place. It's not cool that she's trying to minimize your pain. You are not jumping the gun just because they chose to drag their journey out for eight years.

    Your day with the dogs sounded pretty awesome! And I'm so excited for you to get rolling with IVF #2. I can relate to the fears you expressed above... about not knowing if this is going to work. But if you don't try, it's a guaranteed fail. At least this way, you'll know you tried everything. And I really hope it works for you THIS TIME!!!

  2. Glad you guys had a good hike with the dogs!!

    I'm sorry that she wasn't very understanding. I can't imagine 8 years of IF. But just because that was the timeline they were okay with doesn't mean that you should go by that timeline. And I've got so many things crossed that IVF #2 will be it for you!!

  3. Your mini getaway sounds amazing, the pictures are gorgeous! I wish Abby and I could have come too!

    I'm sorry that your first experience sharing your IF with someone IRL that. I can't imagine getting to 8 years at this, but I am not ok with what she said to you and how she made you feel. Yes unexplained IF sucks, I know, but having a diagnosis, having a name for what's wrong doesn't guarantee a fix, that's not something you need to be bouncing off the walls happy about. And I really dislike that she made it sound like you're jumping the gun. Everyone's experience with IF is different and the most important thing is to respect others' journeys - they choose to do what what right for them, when it is right for them, it's no one's place to judge. I'm sure she's nice enough, but I want to TP her for you.

    I am keeping everything crossed that this cycle will be it for you guys!! Sending lot of love and TPs where needed! <3

  4. I love the pictures! Looks like it was a wonderful mini-vacay.

    Sorry you had to deal with comments like that. It always amazes me that people who have struggled themselves aren't more careful about what they say to others.

    Keeping everything crossed for you this cycle! Hoping this is IT for you!

  5. J perfectly expressed everything I was going to say. So I'll just say "ditto" and I'm sending love, hugs and positive vibes! (Also, the last part about Seth made me a little teary :-)