And I have no idea where else my heart could have been
I placed all my trust at the foot of this hill
And now I am sure my heart can never be still
So collect your courage and collect your horse
And pray you never feel this same kind of remorse
Seal my heart and break my pride
I've nowhere to stand and now nowhere to hide
Align my heart, my body, my mind
It has absolutely nothing to do with infertility, but it reminds me of how I've felt at various times since starting IVF. The feelings are the same. Anger. Sadness. Bitterness. Regret.
I feel all of those things. I don't like that I feel them, but I do. I'm human. I'm alive. I can't imagine that anyone who's experienced this or watched someone they love experience this wouldn't feel them at some point.
It scares me to feel this way. I feel guilty too because I know that it could be worse - it can always be worse. But on the other hand, it really helps to acknowledge that I feel this way sometimes. Better out than in right? Having a bad day makes me more determined to have a better day tomorrow.
IVF #2 Progress Report
Status: Suppression Phase
BCPs: 8 down, 12 to go
Days until baseline: 15