Baby Shower

Oh my gosh I've been so busy. I finally had some free time this afternoon so I took a few pictures so that I can finally post about my shower.

MY baby shower :)

CAKE!!!

It was awesome. My mom and sisters did such a wonderful job. It was exactly as I always hoped it would be. I only made it to the second gift before I started crying (which I didn't really expect). It was from one of my sisters. In her card, she wrote something about being afraid that this day would never happen, but being so happy that it was finally here. I just cried. That's EXACTLY how I have been feeling this whole time about all of this. I've been so scared that we would never get to have a baby and experience all of the wonderful things that come along with being a parent. I am so incredibly grateful that we're getting this chance. I also feel so lucky to have family who are there for me in good times and bad. It's very hard to understand what it's like to be infertile unless it happens to you, but my family is amazing. It's obvious that they care very much about us. I'm sad that they have felt even a small amount of the pain and fear that Seth and I have experienced, but I'm so grateful that we didn't have to go through this alone.

Back to the fun part! My family is so generous and our little guy was completely spoiled. We received a bunch of the big things that we need and want - swing, bouncer, bath tub, bassinet, pack n play - and lots of little necessities and fun items. Here are some of my favorite gifts.

Left: These are all toys from "Guess How Much I Love You". I love that book and bunnies are one of my favorite animals. There's also a little moon that lights up and plays music and a rattle.

Right: That's an accessory bag that matches the diaper bag I ordered (which should get here on Saturday!). They're all Ju Ju Be. I am so pumped. I've been watching You Tube videos about organizing your Ju Ju Be backpack for cloth diapering and I can't wait to get it. The print it yellow and gray. We chose it because it's fun enough for me and simple enough for Seth to carry.

Left: Look at this teeny little diaper cover! I registered for some Thirsties covers to use with prefold diapers. Look at the teeny little clothes pins too! My mom used them at the shower and gave them to me to use with my CD laundry.

Right: Bilingual books! We got a bunch of these from my sister and nieces. We're hoping that Seth will be able to teach the baby Spanish so that he has no trouble communicating with that side of his family. My niece was so excited to give us the books because she has some of the same ones in English. She also said she's going to say "Hola" when she meets her cousin for the first time.

We got so many cute little outfits and onesies. These are a few of my favorites. Baby needs to know about his background! There's still some debate on whether he'll be an Eagles fan or a Dolphins fan, but we'll let him decide when he's old enough. He's got plenty of gear to represent both teams already. Oh and obviously, he loves huskies!

One of the best gifts was our stroller and car seat set. I am so pumped about this. It was my favorite of all the ones we tried at the store (even more than the Britax or City Mini). The things I love about it are that it has 3 wheels, it's very light, easy to fold and maneuver, and it has the world's biggest canopy. Look at it! I also love the neutral colors and simple pattern.

I'm having so much fun sorting through everything and getting the nursery set up. I'll be doing more of that this weekend. So next up - nursery progress! For now, let's end of the world's longest AW post. 

Decisions, Decisions

I mentioned in my last update that it was a stressful week. One of the things we have been dealing with is our job situation - or lack of jobs situation. Remember how Seth finished up with school in May? He's been looking for jobs for months and nothing has really come up. He's in a weird place where's not qualified enough for certain things (needs more publications, things like that) but too qualified for entry level jobs. He would gladly take an entry level job, but I'm guessing most companies assume he will demand higher pay from the start.

For the most part, he has been applying for jobs within 2 hours or less of my family. So it was surprising when he got offered a one year post-doctoral position by his former advisor. At the same university that he just graduated from. Great, right? It is. It really is. I think it will be a great experience for Seth - he will have the opportunity to do some news things, make new contacts at other universities, and get some of his work published.

I'm not going to lie though. I'm less than thrilled. I really thought I would be moving home this summer. I've been counting down since the fall when Seth figured out that he could finish in May. Then when I got pregnant, I felt like finally things were getting on the right track. I should know better. Things don't always work out the way you want them to.

It's not all bad. Like I said, it will be great for Seth. It also means that I can keep working through the fall which I'm happy about because I love my job. It's also great for us financially - Seth will be making a lot more money and we can keep living where we're living which means we don't have a whole lot of bills to pay (also I just paid off my car - yay). Plus, it's one more year without a winter! It sounds more fun to have a January baby in the south than up north. We'll be able to leave the house more often. Oh and I love my doctor too. I really doubt that I'd be able to find another doctor who knows exactly what it's like to be someone like me.

Still, I'm sad. I miss my family so much. My dad was in the hospital last week and I wish more than ever that I was going to be moving home. I'm sad that my nieces are growing up so quickly and I'm missing most of it. I'm sad that my family won't get to be there in January when our baby is born. I'm really fucking scared about that too. Our families live about 1200 miles away from us in opposite directions. When Seth goes back to work, I will be completely alone with the baby and my pups. It's really intimidating. What if I suck at being a mom? What if I have a nervous breakdown?

So that's that. We're not moving home. But we'll make it work. We always do.

Are we there yet?

Nope. We're just about halfway there.

I woke up this morning at 4:30. Probably from exam anxiety even though I was giving the test and not taking it. Once the exam was over, I finished up all of the end-of-semester bullshit and hurried home. I got back around 12 and then we started the 1000+ mile drive to my parent's house outside Philadelphia.

I am sooo bored. And really, really uncomfortable. As if sitting on your ass for ten hours doesn't suck enough, traveling triggers my endo pain. Any type of crouching or sitting with my legs at a right angle (or less) to my back causes me more pain than anything else. I can't wait to get out and lay flat in bed.

Banks and Bear are doing well. Binks did a lot of pacing for the first hour, but once he realized that nothing was happening he calmed down. They've been sprawled out napping in the back for most of the day. I'm so jealous. I also feel awful because I completely forgot to give them water. I noticed Binks licking the window and had an Oh shit! moment. Luckily the ice in the cooler melted.

We're going to stop soon (I think we're somewhere in NC) and finish the drive tomorrow - hopefully with only seven hours to go. I'm a little worried because they're supposed to get snow in Philly tomorrow but hopefully the roads won't be too bad by the time we get far enough north for snow and ice. I'm excited for Binks and Bear to see their first snow. I don't know what my Florida dogs will think of it. They love sunshine. I think they get cold in the air conditioning (drives Seth cazy), but they'll probably love it. And I will AW the shit of them like the stage mom that I am.

And now you're as bored as I am. Suckas.

Thankful Thursday

I saw a bunch of people posting things that they were thankful for every day up until Thanksgiving and I thought it was a nice idea. We could definitely use some positive thoughts around here. Since I'm a slacker, I decided to just make a list once a week until Thanksgiving. So, this week I am thankful for:

1. Bear's Health
Bear joined our family just over two years ago in August 2011. As Bear started getting bigger we noticed that there was always a puddle of pee around him whenever he took a nap. The vet thought that it might be a growth spurt and things were growing at different rates, so we tried a medicine that would strengthen his little bladder muscles. It didn't work and it was getting worse. He was leaking all the time. This time when we went to the vet he suggested that Bear had an ectopic ureter, which is a really rare birth defect (usually seen in females of huskies and two other breeds) in which the ureter draining the kidneys extend past the bladder. He sent us to a specialist.

We found out that Bear's condition has a really negative impact on the dog's quality of life. It can lead to repeated kidney infections. Eventually all of the urine will causes burning on the dog's skin. We knew that medication didn't work and the only option was a surgery that was expensive (several thousand dollars) and only had a 50% chance of success. We were devastated. It was one of the saddest weeks that I can remember. My poor little Bear. He was only three months old and we didn't know what kind of life he would get to have. I couldn't even think about what we might have to do if the surgery didn't work.

Bear on the night before his CT scan. 

On November 1st, Bear went in for a CT scan and the surgeon found an 8 lb. mass in his stomach. At first we thought it was cancer, but it turned out to be one of Bear's kidneys. The doctor wanted to do surgery to remove it immediately, so on November 2nd Bear was in surgery for several hours to remove the bad kidney and see if it was possible to repair the other one. The next morning the surgeon called and said that Bear's other kidney was perfect, but that he was still leaking so he needed a second surgery. That one was a success! Bear came home a few days later almost as good as new! It's been two years since his surgery and he has never had a leak or an infection. We keep an eye on his diet and kidney function but the doctor says there's no reason to think that Bear won't have a normal, healthy life!

2. My sister B coming to visit!
On Saturday, my baby sister B is coming to stay with us for a week. I can't wait. I haven't seen her since July and that's probably the longest that we've ever been apart. I love all of my sisters equally - we're ridiculously close - but I think that B and I probably have the most in common. I'm really looking forward to hanging out with her this week. It will be such a nice distraction from everything that is going on right now.

3. The strongest women that I know
IF sucks, but I know that it would be a million times worse if I hadn't been so lucky to stumble upon a group of the most amazing women/friends that a person could ask for. This process can make you feel so isolated sometimes and I'm so grateful that I have met other people who understand what I'm going through, who don't judge me, and who help me to keep going when I feel like I can't take it anymore. Special thanks to Jaytee, Chickin, DoodMama, Acro, and Becky - thank you for picking me up when I was feeling down earlier this week.  There's a part in one of my current favorite songs that always make me think of my fellow IFers:

So when your hope's on fire

But you know your desire

Don't hold a glass over the flame

Don't let your heart grow cold

I will call you by name

I will share your road

I wish that none of us were on this road, but I'm so grateful that we have each other. It's an amazing feeling to know that someone is holding onto the hope for you when you're having trouble feeling it yourself.

Find a happy place!

I don't know what's wrong with me. I just cannot get out of this cloud of negativity. I'm dwelling and obsessing and feeling like a crazy person. It's so frustrating because when I'm staying busy, I feel totally fine and happy but then as soon as I have some free time my mood just plummets.The more time I have to think, the more completely out of control I feel. It's scary.

I need to stop thinking and feeling like I'm just wasting time waiting for the next three to six months to pass by. That's depressing. I want to actually enjoy my life, pregnant or not, so I thought it might help to try to focus on all of the things that I have to look forward to over these next few months. Hopefully this will help get me out of this rough patch and into a happier place. Maybe?

1. Halloween costumes for Binky and Bear

Look at that little guy! I think B&B will
be equally cute.

I was a little stressed out last year for Binky's first Halloween with us, so I never got around to finding costumes for them. This year I planned ahead and ordered (very cheap) costumes for them from Party City! They're both going to be Fire Chiefs. I'm can't wait until they're delivered. I'm sure Binky and Bear with love them.

2. Fito Blanko and Gocho mini concert
I mostly listen to Reggaeton/Latin pop these days and a few of my favorite songs are by Fito Blanko. He's a Panamanian guy who was raised and started his career in Toronto (any of you Canadians know of him?). This Saturday he's having a mini concert and I convinced Seth to go! I'm so excited. The opening act is the second to last game of the season for the Miami Marlins, so I guess we'll be watching a baseball game too :p

3. More classes
I received an email from my supervisor last week asking me if I was interested in teaching two more classes. Apparently one of the other adjuncts decided to move four weeks into the semester, so they need a replacement for two Earth Science labs. I said yes! It's awesome. It will be a little bit more work in terms of class time and grading, but I'm already doing all of the prep work for my other labs anyway. It's only a teeny tiny pay raise, but we can definitely use the extra money! And they asked me to fill out a schedule request form for next semester so I think there's a great chance I'll have a job in the spring too!

4. Wine
There are two chilled bottles of my favorite Cupcake wines in my refrigerator right now. I think wine will go well with the pasta that I'm making for dinner. I highly recommend Cupcake Sauvignon Blanc and Pinot Grigio.

5. Thanksgiving
We still have a lot of time before I really start getting excited for Thanksgiving but we just bought our tickets to fly home to see my family! I'm pumped. My parents came to visit for my surgery in August, but I haven't seen my siblings and my nieces since July. I think this will be the longest I've gone without seeing them (5 months). I'm really excited to see my nieces because T was only 9 or 10 weeks old in July - at Thanksgiving, she'll be 7 months! My other niece, A, will be 4 in December. She's definitely a little girl, not a toddler now :(

Realistically, I know that nothing is going to make my fear and sadness go away but at least I can find some ways to cover it up, at least for a few hours at a time.

I'll leave you with a little "Pegadito Suavicito" in case you need help finding a happy place too. This type of music always makes me want to have a dance party!