Decisions, Decisions

I mentioned in my last update that it was a stressful week. One of the things we have been dealing with is our job situation - or lack of jobs situation. Remember how Seth finished up with school in May? He's been looking for jobs for months and nothing has really come up. He's in a weird place where's not qualified enough for certain things (needs more publications, things like that) but too qualified for entry level jobs. He would gladly take an entry level job, but I'm guessing most companies assume he will demand higher pay from the start.

For the most part, he has been applying for jobs within 2 hours or less of my family. So it was surprising when he got offered a one year post-doctoral position by his former advisor. At the same university that he just graduated from. Great, right? It is. It really is. I think it will be a great experience for Seth - he will have the opportunity to do some news things, make new contacts at other universities, and get some of his work published.

I'm not going to lie though. I'm less than thrilled. I really thought I would be moving home this summer. I've been counting down since the fall when Seth figured out that he could finish in May. Then when I got pregnant, I felt like finally things were getting on the right track. I should know better. Things don't always work out the way you want them to.

It's not all bad. Like I said, it will be great for Seth. It also means that I can keep working through the fall which I'm happy about because I love my job. It's also great for us financially - Seth will be making a lot more money and we can keep living where we're living which means we don't have a whole lot of bills to pay (also I just paid off my car - yay). Plus, it's one more year without a winter! It sounds more fun to have a January baby in the south than up north. We'll be able to leave the house more often. Oh and I love my doctor too. I really doubt that I'd be able to find another doctor who knows exactly what it's like to be someone like me.

Still, I'm sad. I miss my family so much. My dad was in the hospital last week and I wish more than ever that I was going to be moving home. I'm sad that my nieces are growing up so quickly and I'm missing most of it. I'm sad that my family won't get to be there in January when our baby is born. I'm really fucking scared about that too. Our families live about 1200 miles away from us in opposite directions. When Seth goes back to work, I will be completely alone with the baby and my pups. It's really intimidating. What if I suck at being a mom? What if I have a nervous breakdown?

So that's that. We're not moving home. But we'll make it work. We always do.