ICSI or no ICSI?

I mentioned a few days ago that we were dealing with a little bullshit regarding our IVF bill. Since we're part of our clinic's special program, we receive 45% off all IVF procedures (which I'm super grateful for) BUT you have to pay for everything up front whether you use it or not. So even though we (Dr. M, Seth, and I) decided that we would not use assisted hatching or extended culture, we still have to pay for it. Even though we chose to leave the decision of whether or not to use ICSI up to the embryologist, we still have to pay for it. We can choose not to pay for it, but if we end up needing it we would have to pay the full price ($1500 for up to 10 embryos, $2100 for more than 10). I don't get it. I don't understand why a program that is meant to help people without insurance and without a ton of money would be kind of sneaky like that. We were awarded the discount because they think we need it, but only if we're willing to take another gamble on top of everything else? Okay. I'm annoyed that this wasn't explained to us until after we paid the bill (the woman at the desk said we would get a refund for procedures we didn't use) but I'm trying not to dwell on it. I have enough to worry about.

The second issue is that our letter/contract states that our package includes cryopreservation of embryos if we have any, but the woman at the desk told me that we would have to pay extra. Of course, the financial coordinator was busy at the time I paid the bill. She called me back about a week later and confirmed that we would have to pay more. When I read my letter to her, she pulled out her copy and said "Oops, that was a typo" but she did agree to honor that pricing. I'm glad that they're doing that since a huge chuck of our decision to go with IVF was based on the financial aspect and the price they quoted for us, but it makes me a little nervous. My paranoid side is thinking "Oh my gosh - what if our embryos are fine but they lie to us and discard them because they know we're not really paying for it". I don't really think that would happen. I trust our doctor and the nurses, but I'd be lying if I said the thought didn't cross my mind.

Anyway, back to the ICSI. Now that we know we're paying for it whether we use it or not I'm wondering if we should just change our to decision to "Yes, use ICSI". What if we have a crap fert report because we didn't do it? Dr. M said that if you don't need it, don't do it because you are risking damaging the egg by poking a needle into it but there are risks with spontaneous fertilization too. At least with ICSI they're picking the very best sperm. With spontaneous fertilization, we could end up with a bunch of poorly fertilized embryos. I don't know what to do. Seth doesn't know what to do. It was a relief to leave the decision up to someone else because the less decisions I have to make, the less I will have to feel guilty about if this doesn't work. We still have some time to decision and I am open to all advice and options whether you've dealt with this before or not!

And also...
IVF #1 Progress Report
Status: Suppression phase
BCPs: 18 down, 2 to go!!!
Lupron: 6 down, who knows how many to go?
Days until baseline appt: 4

Only 2 more days of BCPs! Hopefully my period starts soon after that and I'll begin stimming some time next week. Now that I'm less than a week away from my baseline appointment, I'm starting to get a little bit excited. I still can't believe this is actually happening, but I'm not feeling as much dread as I was feeling earlier this week.