100!

Yay! This is my hundredth post so I had to title it accordingly.

IVF #1 Progress Report
Status: Suppression phase
BCPs: 14 down, 6 to go
Lupron: 3 down, who knows how many to go
Days until next appointment: 8

So far I haven't really experienced any side effects. Well, I've had a mild headache almost every day which I think is from the BCPs. I also have a very mild rash to the right of my belly button, but I think it's just sensitive skin and not really an allergic reaction to the Lupron itself.

My first two nights of the Lupron were uneventful. The needle is teeny tiny and I barely felt it pierce my skin. Even injecting the medicine was pretty painless. It stung for a minute or so but that's it. Last night...ugh last night was a little different. For some reason, it took me three tries to get the needle in. I don't know if it was a crap needle, a bad angle, or just nerves, but it was not as pleasant as the first two shots. There was a little bleeding too, but nothing to worry about (thanks Chickin!). Then this morning I noticed the rash. I'm thinking that either A) I did it too close to the first shot, B) I didn't pinch enough skin, C) I'm crazy or D) all of the above. D is probably the correct answer. It's always "all of the above".

I feel like such a baby, but the whole thing (all 15 seconds of it) really set off my anxiety. It's been almost 10 years since I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and since then I think I've done a really good job of managing it. The last two years especially have been great. Still, every now and then something will trigger a panic attack or the type of anxiety where I just can't think clearly at all. Last night when it happened, it was completely unexpected. I had been totally fine over the weekend. I don't know what went wrong, but I spent most of the night thinking that there's no way I can do this. I'm dreading giving myself another shot tonight.

The practical side fragment of my brain knows that I can do this. I just need to figure out how to let that part of my brain take over. The pep talk from Jaytee helped for sure (thank you <3). And more Cool Runnings is on the agenda tonight. I just need to remember that I'm a bad ass mother who don't take no crap off of nobody. Or no needles. I mean look at me:

Climbing an active volcano with an ice pick.

Check out my ice pick. I am bad ass.