Follie Scan #1 and Stuff

Yesterday morning was my first monitoring appointment since starting the stimulation meds. It was day 4 of stims (so 3 nights of injections). I didn't ask for any details about my follicle growth. I thought if I had the information, I would stress myself out analyzing the results. My E2 was 186. I've seen some clinics say that they like to see a level of 100-300 at this stage, so that seems okay. My instructions were to continue taking my meds at the same dose and come back for the next scan on Monday morning (day 6). I'm going to assume that means that everything is going okay - not too fast, not too slow - otherwise they would have changed my doses, right?

My lucky streak is officially over. I haven't really had many noticeable side effects up until the past two days or so. Now I do. It's like PMS on steroids. I cannot stop crying. Super ugly crying. About anything and everything. On the bright side, I'm not as ragey as I normally am on PMS, I'm just really emotionally unstable.

The weird thing (Good? Bad? I have no idea.) is that I'm not even thinking about whether or not this will be successful. All I can think about it whether or not I'm doing everything right. I'll have a good day with the meds and then the next day is complete shit. I am a mess. Last night I spilled some of the Menopur (fucking Q-caps). I thought it was just a drop, so I continued with the Gonal-F and then at the end I realized I was 1/4 mL short. I freaked out. Luckily I was able to talk to the on-call nurse who said it was fine and not to bother starting over with new vials, but I still spent a good hour crying and shaking. I can't handle the pressure that I put on myself. I'm so worried about everything being perfect and I will beat the shit out of myself if I think I did something wrong. I'm not going to be able to relax until my next appointment. This time I'm going to ask about the follicle growth because I need to know that I didn't (or did) screw it up.

Clearly, I need to work on my stress management. Maybe I will start crocheting again. Or I could find a new book to read. On Friday and Saturday, Seth I took the Binks and Bear for nice walks in two of the parks nearby. That really helps because it takes up a lot of time, it's so nice to be outside, and I just love spending time with Seth and my boys.

I hope that we can keep doing this during the week even though we work on different schedules. I mean, our neighborhood is nice, but it's so much nicer to be in the parks. The path goes right next to the water and the trees smell so good. It reminds me of being at home and that feels good.