Monday, July 1, 2013

The 12th Month

Well, today is July 1st. This starts our 12th month TTC. We are just about one month away from the official diagnosis of "Infertile". I'm pretty fucking bummed.

This morning, at 10 days post ovulation, I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. Surprise! I usually take one or two each cycle, but my expectations are always pretty low. I felt somewhat hopeful this morning because I have had very little pain this cycle, my temp dropped by about 0.5 degrees yesterday, and then it went back up by the same amount today. No luck though. It's still early and there's still a chance of course, but I'm feeling pretty crampy which is normal for me at this point in my cycle. I will be pretty shocked if I get anything other than my period in a few days.

Assuming this cycle was a bust, we will  have one more chance before being labeled "infertile". After that, I don't know what we'll do. We had pretty much decided to do nothing but the whole insurance situation changes how I feel about that. If I have the laparoscopic surgery before August 19th, it will be mostly covered by my insurance. I have already met the $100 deductible and my insurance covers 80% after that. If I don't do it in August, it will probably cost us a lot more money because the insurance we will have in the future will probably have a very high deductible. We'll probably ending up paying for most if not all of the surgery out-of-pocket. I hate to let finances pressure me into making such a big decision, but it's a lot of money. I can't ignore that.

I'm also wondering if putting off treatment is a good idea for my health - both physical and emotional. Endometriosis is a progressive disease. I started feeling symptoms about 15 or 16 months ago. Maybe I only had stage 1 last year, but who knows what I have now? Maybe I only have stage 1 now, but who knows what I'll have if I wait to seek treatment until after my husband gets a job (hopefully in January, but that's the best case scenario). It's already been 11 months, 12 cycles, without success. I don't know if I'm willing to jeopardize our chances even more. It doesn't seem like a good idea to do absolutely nothing when we know there is a good chance that I have a problem.

I'm making a call to Dr. M, the RE, today to set up an appointment to go over all of our options again. We can find out about the surgery, find out about the financing options for IUI, find out where are best chances lie. I'm so nervous. Every option seems like the "wrong" decision. How the hell are we going to choose?

We should know for sure whether this cycle was a failure by Friday. Fingers crossed that I won't ever have to make any of these decisions!

1 comment:

  1. I so relate to this post. Today we start cycle 12, moving into month 13 - it blows. I see my doctor in a few weeks to get a referral, so I can only imagine how difficult it is to try and choose which option to go with, I hope that you and YH can come to an agreement on what's right for you guys. Good luck :)