Tuesday, August 13, 2013

The Fine Line

There's a fine line between being optimistic and being realistic (and being pessimistic too, I guess). I'm so glad that I know that I have endometriosis and I think it's great that it's been removed. But I can't help wondering if that's the ONLY thing that's wrong with me. I'm still worried about my weight. I'm still worried about my short cycles/early ovulation.

When I tell people about my diagnosis, they seem really excited. They keep telling me that now is the best time to get pregnant, that my chances are really good for the next six months. I'm not sure why they think that. It would be awesome if it's true. I want to believe it. The articles I've found don't necessarily agree with that though. One article said that only 29% of women surgically treated for endometriosis were pregnant within 9 months. That's less than half the rate for a typical, healthy woman/couple. I'm supposed to be excited for that?

There's also a fine line between being educated and scaring the shit out of yourself. I need to come to terms with the fact that I'm going to have endometriosis for the rest of my life. This isn't something that will go away if/when I'll get pregnant for the first time. I want to learn more about it so that I can decide if there are any changes that I want to make (diet, supplements, exercise, BCPs eventually), but there is so much depressing information out there. I don't want to bury my head in the sand, but I don't need to freak myself out right now either.

I'm trying to stay positive, I really am. I'm looking for any little thing to give me hope. Having the cysts removed from my left ovary sounds like it was really helpful. Maybe that was a bigger problem than the endo? Except if that's true, what the fuck has my right ovary been doing this whole time? Thanks, dude. I need to turn my brain off. There's no point worrying about it. I've done everything that I can do to change or help my situation for now. Hopefully once I start working again it will be easier to distract myself. I have WAY too much free time on my hands right now.

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