Wednesday, August 21, 2013

In Your Dreams

I had a terrible TTC-related dream last night.

Usually when I have this type of dream, it involves taking a test and seeing a BFN. Sometimes I dream that I think I'm pregnant and I'm waiting to see the doctor and then I realize that I never actually took a test. Those dreams kind of suck, but it's not much different from real life. Except that in real life, I haven't assumed that I'm pregnant without testing. I haven't lost it that much yet.

Last night it was different because test after test was positive. I remember telling someone (no idea who - just an unknown dream person) that we'd be trying to conceive for over a year. Then I decided to take a test. And another. And another. Two lines! I was so excited. I couldn't wait to tell Seth and my mom. It was such a happy feeling.

And then I woke up. I can't wait for that to be real, I really can't.

Right now, I'm just waiting for a new cycle to start. I had the surgery on CD10 and I was definitely getting ready to ovulate leading up to that day. Dr. M said that if he saw a follicular cyst on my ovary, he would probably rupture it and my period would start earlier than I expected. Except for me, "ovulating" on CD10 is pretty close to normal so I've been hoping that my next cycle would start pretty much on time. If he did trigger ovulation and I follow my normal pattern, I should get my period tomorrow. I have zero PMS symptoms though so I'm not feeling very hopeful anymore. I still have spotting from surgery, so I really don't know what's going on. Today is CD23. My shortest cycle was 22 days and my longest was 28 days. I really, really hope that something happens by CD28. I just want things get back to normal so that we have a chance.

For now, I wait. I'll get through it with a little help from Mumford and Sons and the unofficial IF anthem.

1 comment:

  1. Hopefully one day soon we will both know what it's like to see those two lines, and not just in our dreams! It's definitely a Mumford kind of journey - if I still had CDs, I think I'd have worn this one out already!