Deja vu

Last year, around this time we were just finishing up our 4th cycle TTC. Now, here we are again - 4th cycle TTC after surgery. I still feel like we're just doing the same thing over again. Reliving the false hope and disappointment. No matter how many times I tell myself that we're not doing nothing, that the surgery could have helped me, I still can't help feeling like these natural cycles are pointless. 

I heard back from the financial counselor at our RE's office earlier this week and she gave us quotes for the multi-cycle refund package as well as for the per cycle costs of IVF and FET cycles. There's still a chance we qualify for a discount on the per cycle price, but we won't know until we submit the application. Either way - holy fucking shit. I knew the average cost of an IVF cycle plus medications, but seeing it all laid out on a bill with my name on it made it seem so much more real. I don't know if we can do it. Seth and I need to have a serious talk about everything, but I'm kind of afraid to hear what he has to say. I'm afraid that he's going to agree with me, that maybe right now is not the right time for us to try IVF. I'm afraid that the best thing for us is to just keep on doing nothing.

I am hoping more than ever that "nothing" will work.