IUI? IVF? I don't know.

Just two more days until our appointment with Dr. M. I'm simultaneously dreading it and excited about it. I think I'm more anxious about this appointment than I have been about any of the others, even the surgery-related ones. I guess it feels like all of the testing and research we've been doing over the past 6 months or so has been leading up to this appointment and this decision. It feels like there is so much at stake now.

Seth and I sat down over the weekend and went over everything. We went through all of the information we could find on endometriosis, endo and fertility treatments, and costs of treatments. I feel pretty good after talking through it with him. At the very least, I feel like we're on the same page we set the limits that we needed in order to be ready to make a decision after talking to Dr. M. For example, I know that I'm not interested in Clomid+IUI. The chances of success are shit for people with endo and Dr. M has mentioned several times that he has seen more negative side effects from Clomid in "slender" women (I haven't had much luck gaining weight yet). We also went over all of the information about IVF. If Dr. M thinks that IVF is the way to go, we're ready for that too. While we're hoping that we qualify for some sort of discount or multi-cycle package, we're prepared to pay the price of IVF if it's the best option for us.

Seth is easy. He says he's not interested in IUI at all. Dr. M will have to give him some good reasons to change his mind - for instance, maybe he recommends an IUI cycle to see how I respond to drugs. Me? I second (and third and fourth) guess everything. I think I agree with him. I just have a feeling that IVF is the best option for us. But I'm a scientist. I can't make decisions based only on feelings. It's killing me that there is not straightforward, correct answer or solution to this problem.

The two biggest things factoring into our decision are the fact that our/my diagnosis is endometriosis (obviously) and finances. With endo, time is not on your side. Since no one knows how quickly it grows back, most doctors want you to be pregnant or get on BCPs. I'm afraid that if we try IUI and it doesn't work, we'll have wasted these months right after surgery where my body is supposedly at it's best. If we do a bunch of IUIs that don't work, it will take us a lot more time to save back up for IVF which will waste even more time. Then I think we must be crazy for even considering IVF without trying something else first. Although, we did try surgery and if we do decide to go with IVF we'll be giving ourselves a full six months after surgery to get pregnant without assistance. That's not nothing. And 21 cycles of trying on our own isn't insignificant either.

I don't know. I wish that I could sort of check-out of the next two days and have someone else make the decision for me. Just let me know when it's over.