15 weeks (and 3 days)

It's been a busy week so I'm a little late with my update. You already know about Sunday. On Monday I also got bumped from my 6 AM flight until 1 PM so that was fun. Now we have some house guests - my cousin in visiting with her 5 month old son. It's been so fun to see Binks and Bear around the baby. I was really nervous about it, but they're handling it really well. To be honest, I wouldn't mind if they were a little less interested in the baby but I'm so so glad that they don't seem stressed or annoyed at all. Binks especially just wants to sit by him and lick his feet (and hands and face). Luckily no one minds!

How far along: 15 weeks and 3 days. Baby is the size of an orange - about 4 inches long. 

Physical symptoms: Not too many. I'm feeling almost normal again, though I do have a lot of stretching and soreness in my abdomen. I'm already starting to feel off balance which is weird because I don't really have a bump.        

Total Weight Gain/Loss: +2.5 pounds.

Maternity clothes: Still in regular clothes.      

Stretch marks: None that I've noticed.

Sleep: YES!! I've been sleeping so much better this past week. I hardly wake up at all and when I do, I fall back to sleep very quickly. My hips are feeling so much better.

Best moment of the week: Seeing Baby's heartbeat and hearing that everything is fine. Also, we could really see the little skeleton on the ultrasound. It looks like Baby was wearing a Halloween costume - so cute!

Movement: I haven't felt anything yet.  I can't wait!

Food cravings: None. I'm not really having aversions anymore, I'm just having the problem where nothing sounds particularly appealing.

Sex: Not sure yet.

Labor signs: None, thankfully.

Belly button: Still in.

What I miss: Nothing new.

What I am looking forward to: 19 sleeps until the anatomy scan!!! I'm still so anxious and excited. First we have to get through the final step of the Integrated Screen. That will happen over the next two weeks or so.

Milestones: Still pregnant.

Bump Watch: I definitely feel like I can see a bump now. Sometimes, especially at night, I feel giant. In the crappy photo I took this morning, I don't look as big as I feel. It's still coming and going I guess. 

A Scary Day

**** Warning: Fortunately, Baby and I are just fine but this post might include some triggers for those who have experienced a loss ****

Also, I don't tell short stories.

Sunday marked 15 weeks for me. That afternoon we returned to my parents house from our vacation (which was awesome - I'm so glad I got to spend time with everyone). I hadn't been drinking water yet because of the drive home, so I filled my water bottle and went to sit on the deck. I got up to get my phone, I got up to charge it, I got up to answer a text from my cousin. Everything was normal.

About five minutes later, I got up to get some fruit and more water and when I stood up my shorts felt really wet. The first thing I said was "How the fuck did my ass get so sweaty already?" but then I realized I was soaked. Maybe I peed? I went to the bathroom to see what was going on and everything looked okay there - no urine (I didn't drink enough for clear pee yet), no spotting or bleeding - just wet shorts. At this point, I was still joking around with my parents and sisters and we were trying to figure out what could have happened. My chair wasn't wet. I was sitting on a blanket and it was damp, but not nearly as wet as my shorts.

Fuck. Could it really be me? Is there something wrong?

My mom decided to do a google search to see if you really can have leaking without symptoms (you can). Finally we decided that since I was supposed to get on a plane in less than 12 hours, we should call the doctor. That's when we all started crying. My mom called her doctor who said that yes, google was correct, you can be leaking amniotic fluid without having other symptoms and she sent us to the ER of a local hospital.

I checked in at the ER, did a pee and blood test, sort of heard the baby's heartbeat, and then they sent me to the OB triage unit. When I arrived the nurse confirmed that I was 15 weeks pregnant, starts tapping on the computer, and then turns around giggling and smiling.

Worst Nurse Ever: So, you'll probably be happy to know that every.single.person that has come in leaking fluid today has been ruptured!
My Face: The fuck??
My Mom's Face: Looking horrified and about to start sobbing.
WNE: Yeah, something about the storms and the barometric pressure is causing everyone's water to break!
Me: I'm sorry, what?
Mom: Why would that be a good thing?
WNE: They're to term! They're having babies today!
Me: Well, I'm not.
Mom: She's only 15 weeks!
WNE: Ohhhh (insert giggling, I swear). Oh no, that wouldn't be good. (more giggling)

If I had any less self-control, that is when I would have told her to back the fuck away from me and don't come back.

I was doing pretty well up until that point. I know what it means to be losing amniotic fluid or having an open cervix at 15 weeks, but I wasn't convinced that I was the source of the fluid. Now I wasn't sure. My whole body started shaking like I was being electrocuted. Luckily, the doctor came in and handled everything else. I had a pelvic exam which was great - my cervix is still closed. They took a sample of fluid and it tested negative for amniotic fluid. The ultrasound showed that Baby is still hanging out in a nice fluid-filled sac and we could see the heart beating.

So, the obviously great news is that Baby is perfectly fine. I can't even describe how grateful I am. We have no idea where the fluid came from though. I would not be surprised if I'm peeing myself this early because my bladder was/is really affected by the endo. I just think it would have been more urine-y at that point in the day. It's also possible that I'm losing my mind and I didn't realize that I poured water on myself rather than drinking it, but I don't think I'm at that stage yet. Probably I'll never know.

I'm just going to take it easy for a few a days. I was so fucking scared. I was thinking that I did too much on vacation - maybe I didn't drink enough or maybe I shouldn't have been picking up my nieces. I thought whatever was happening was my fault. I have a few more weeks off from work, so I'm just going to do my best to rest and relax.

Thanks to everyone who sent their thoughts, prayers and well-wishes!

14 weeks

Today I'm leaving to go on vacation with my family for the week! I am so happy that I get to spend some more time with my family. I'm also really excited about all of the yummy boardwalk food. French fries!!! Fresh-squeezed lemonade! I hope I don't lose all self-control this week. I'll eat some extra fruit to balance it out. 


Stalk you all next week!

How far along: 14 weeks! Baby is the size of a lemon - about 3.5 inches long. I think baby can start making faces around this week. 

Physical symptoms: Fatigue and hideous hip pain. I keep thinking I've found the magic cure, but then it comes back after a few days. Also, I've been having really disturbing dreams usually involving murder.       

Total Weight Gain/Loss: +0.8 lbs

Maternity clothes: I'm still getting by in my regular clothes.     

Stretch marks: None that I've noticed.

Sleep: See physical symptoms - what do you think?

Best moment of the week: Making our first baby-related purchase! It was exciting and made this is all feel so real. 

Movement: Nothing yet!

Food cravings/aversions: No cravings out of the ordinary. I'm starting to hate fruit again, which was normal for me pre-pregnancy. I still cannot look at, smell, or think about scrambled eggs.

Sex: Not sure yet.

Labor signs: Not yet, thankfully.

Belly button: Still in.

What I miss: I miss not thinking about everything I eat. I had a pretty healthy diet before, but I worry about more specific things now. Did I have enough calcium? How many servings of fruits and vegetables did I have? Was that too much sugar?

What I am looking forward to: Vacation! And also the 16 week blood work and integrated screen results. But that's not until August 6th (plus a week for results). 

Milestones: I'm still pregnant.

Decisions, Decisions

I mentioned in my last update that it was a stressful week. One of the things we have been dealing with is our job situation - or lack of jobs situation. Remember how Seth finished up with school in May? He's been looking for jobs for months and nothing has really come up. He's in a weird place where's not qualified enough for certain things (needs more publications, things like that) but too qualified for entry level jobs. He would gladly take an entry level job, but I'm guessing most companies assume he will demand higher pay from the start.

For the most part, he has been applying for jobs within 2 hours or less of my family. So it was surprising when he got offered a one year post-doctoral position by his former advisor. At the same university that he just graduated from. Great, right? It is. It really is. I think it will be a great experience for Seth - he will have the opportunity to do some news things, make new contacts at other universities, and get some of his work published.

I'm not going to lie though. I'm less than thrilled. I really thought I would be moving home this summer. I've been counting down since the fall when Seth figured out that he could finish in May. Then when I got pregnant, I felt like finally things were getting on the right track. I should know better. Things don't always work out the way you want them to.

It's not all bad. Like I said, it will be great for Seth. It also means that I can keep working through the fall which I'm happy about because I love my job. It's also great for us financially - Seth will be making a lot more money and we can keep living where we're living which means we don't have a whole lot of bills to pay (also I just paid off my car - yay). Plus, it's one more year without a winter! It sounds more fun to have a January baby in the south than up north. We'll be able to leave the house more often. Oh and I love my doctor too. I really doubt that I'd be able to find another doctor who knows exactly what it's like to be someone like me.

Still, I'm sad. I miss my family so much. My dad was in the hospital last week and I wish more than ever that I was going to be moving home. I'm sad that my nieces are growing up so quickly and I'm missing most of it. I'm sad that my family won't get to be there in January when our baby is born. I'm really fucking scared about that too. Our families live about 1200 miles away from us in opposite directions. When Seth goes back to work, I will be completely alone with the baby and my pups. It's really intimidating. What if I suck at being a mom? What if I have a nervous breakdown?

So that's that. We're not moving home. But we'll make it work. We always do.

13 weeks

Next check-in will be my first in the second trimester! Bonus - next week I'll also be going home to go on vacation with my family. Despite just finishing up the holiday weekend, I can definitely use a vacation. It was kind of a stressful week, but luckily nothing baby related and I'm sure the other stuff will be okay. More on that another time...

How far along: 13 weeks! Baby is the size of a peach - about 3 inches long. Although my baby was already measuring 13 weeks 1 day at the NT scan on Tuesday. Seth and I were both tall babies. 

Physical symptoms: Very tired and very sore, particularly in my hips and shoulders. I'm also having more of the endo-related butt pain this week. Yay.

Mood: I have to add this one because I've been a mess this week - crying at everything. Example - every time they play that song about going home on ESPN I cry because I'm not going home. Thank you, Le.Bron James.  
   

Total Weight Gain/Loss: +0.6 pounds. Still underweight, but my doctor expects me to "puff" by the time I see her again around 16 weeks.

Maternity clothes: Still don't need them, though I did buy a maternity tee/tunic to use as a cover-up for the beach.      

Stretch marks: Not yet.

Sleep: Eh. Some days are better than others, but I still wake up really sore.

Best moment of the week: Seeing our baby at the NT scan! He/she looked really good and it was so fun to see him/her moving around. I also love seeing Seth's reactions every time we see our baby.

Movement: Not yet. I can't wait!

Food cravings: Chicken nuggets and french fries and coke.

Sex: Don't know yet.

Labor signs: Not yet.

Belly button: Still in.

What I miss: Beer and a cold ham and mustard sandwich on a croissant from the French bakery.

What I am looking forward to: Vacation with my family, getting the results of the NT scan, and the anatomy scan.

Milestones: I don't know. Passing 12 weeks?

Bump Watch: My now un-toned stomach is starting to get more noticeable (at least to me), but I still don't have anything that resembles a baby bump yet.

NT Scan

This morning we went in for the NT scan. It was amazing.

This was my first abdominal ultrasound since I've been pregnant. It wasn't as bad I was expecting - I didn't need a full bladder and the tech didn't have to press too hard to see the baby.

We got to watch everything on a big TV screen. He/she looks like a real baby now! We could see everything - arms and hands, legs and feet, a little nose, and all of the important stuff. It was so fun to see the baby moving all over. H was loving it and it was so great to see how happy this made him.

The tech was able to get the important measurements and everything is in the normal range. Baby was also measuring a bit ahead at 13 weeks 1 day. His/her heart rate is still nice and strong in the 160-170 range (this is the same as the reading I get on my home doppler so I feel extra confident that I'm actually listening to the heartbeat).

We won't get the full results until 16 weeks because they will combine the scan results with a blood test from today as well as another blood test at 16 weeks.

For now, we can only assume that everything is just fine. I'm doing my best to stay relaxed (and getting better every day) and enjoying being pregnant and having this little one in our lives right now.

On the top, it looks like s/he's trying to suck to his/her thumb, on the left baby was waving hello, and on the right you can see the little legs crossed. It is all starting to feel more real, but I still can't believe that that's our baby.

We are so in love already.

12 weeks

Holy shit, I can't believe I am 12 weeks (and 1 day) pregnant. I still can't believe it, but I'm definitely starting feel more hopeful and excited. Seth and I went home for the holiday weekend and we told my extended family that I'm pregnant. They knew we were dealing with IF and some knew we were going through IVF so they were really happy for us. It was nice to feel like a "normal" pregnant person for a bit. However, I did still feel a little weird talking about it. Everyone wanted to know if we would find out the sex and they were making guesses (98% of the people guessed boy) and that made me a little uneasy. I realized that it's just because I'm still stuck in the "if we have a baby" mentality. It's hard for me to think "when we have a baby". Hopefully that will get better as time and more milestones go by, but honestly I don't think it will go away until I actually have a baby.

How far along: 12 weeks! Baby is the size of a plum - about 2 inches long! 

Physical symptoms:  Still tired, still a bit queasy, nothing new.     

Total Weight Gain/Loss:  Still at my normal weight which is a few pounds below my IVF weight.

Maternity clothes: Not needed yet, but my new bras rule.     

Stretch marks: Nope.

Sleep: Eh. Still sucks, though it helps if I put pillows under my hips. Plus my body pillow and a pillow between my knees.

Best moment of the week: Letting my mom and sisters hear the baby's heartbeat and sending the announcement text to my aunts, uncles, and cousins. Also, it was really cute when my 4.5 year old niece said "So, I heard you're having a baby".

Movement: Nothing that I can feel yet.

Food cravings/aversion: Soft pretzels (I ate ALL of the pretzels this weekend), coke/cherry coke, and Chik-fil-A. Coffee still tastes like ass.

Sex: Not sure yet, but pretty much everyone except me and Seth guess that it's a boy.

Labor signs: Not yet.

Belly button: Still in.

What I miss: Sleep and beer. But mostly sleep.

What I am looking forward to: NT scan! Only one more sleep to go. I am so anxious and excited to see/hear if the baby looks okay so far. 

Milestones: According to the app on my phone, our chance of miscarriage drops dramatically this week so that's good to know.