9 dpo

...and nothing to report. I've had my usual PMS symptoms for a few days now and my temp looks like it's on it's way down, so I'm feeling pretty confident that this cycle was a bust too. My chart is all jacked up due to traveling and the change in climate (from AC to heat).

According to my average LP, I should start my next cycle on Christmas Day or the day after. Last month my LP was only 12 days though so I'm hoping that it happens a little bit early this month too. I'd rather not test since I have no hope and it would be better to be able to enjoy a Christmas cocktail without guilt than to be spending Christmas just waiting for the end. Also, at this point I have very little hope that we'll conceive on our own anyway so bring on the short cycles! I'm so ready for my BCP cycle.

I'm feeling okay though. I've been keeping very busy - shopping with my mom and sisters, walking Binks and Bear in the snow, and wrapping up more end-of-semester bullshit. I also need to get started on my syllabi and lessons for next semester.

I just need to get through the next week or so. I need to get through the holidays and the fake smiles and the "Yes, I'm fine thanks". I need to get through the start of cycle 21 and month 18. I just need to get through it and then I can focus on moving forward. We haven't changed our plans about holding off on prepping for IVF until after next cycle, but I can get started on my pre-IVF stuff soon. Once I get to CD1, I'll call to schedule my mock transfer and pap test and go in to double check my AMH. At least it will feel like we're finally making progress.

And now for some shameless AWing. The snow really works for Binks and Bear. Bear especially looks like such a model in the right photo. He looks like a calendar dog. Is it weird that I'm totally jealous of how photogenic my dogs are?