Sunday, August 10, 2014

17 weeks

I'm sort of a mess this week. My PaIF brain is going a little crazy. I do not feel pregnant. I don't feel anything. Just nothingness. It's freaking me out a lot because I always felt a sense of nothingness before every CD1. I am NOT complaining about a lack of physical symptoms - I am so thankful that I have an easy pregnancy so far. I'm just having a really hard time with the mental stuff right now. It's like I'm having flashbacks to the 20 something cycles of failure and all of the same feelings are coming back - fear, sadness, hopelessness. Even though I can feel all of the stretchy feelings and I've been listening to Baby's heartbeat, I can't shake these feelings. Hopefully I start feeling better after my OB appointment this week.

How far along: 17 weeks! Baby is the size of an onion - about 5 inches long and weighs about 6 oz. His/her skeleton is still hardening and fat is starting to accumulate. 

Physical symptoms: Ute stretching and RLP

Total Weight Gain/Loss:  Only +2.2 pounds. I guess I was just really bloated last week. Add this to the list of things that I'm worried about...

Maternity clothes: Still not wearing them, but I finally found a belly band that fits me - it's the one from Target. I think the brand is Ingrid and Isabel. This should get me through work in my regular pants for the first month or two.     

Stretch marks: This is a stupid question. The answer will be no until/if I get them and then it will be yes for the rest of the time. I'm done with this one.

Sleep: Eh. My hip pain is back, but it's not as bad as before so I'm getting an okay amount of sleep.

Best moment of the week: Easy - Chickin's BFP <3 <3 <3

Movement: Nothing yet :(

Food cravings: Olives, french fries, soda, olives

Sex: Not sure yet

Labor signs: None

Belly button: Same as the stretch marks question

What I miss: Walking my dogs (actually holding the leash). I wasn't allowed to walk them when I was on exercise restrictions and now everyone is afraid for me to walk them alone in case I fall or something. There's this fucking fox in the neighborhood that follows us - really closely - every single day and the dogs freak out and pull to try to get it. So I understand everyone's concerns, but I miss just taking my boys out whenever I want. At least we can still go for rides in the car.

What I am looking forward to: I can't wait for Seth to get back from his trip this week. And also - only 8 more sleeps until the anatomy scan! I'm so, so nervous.

Milestones: Still pregnant as far as I know. 

Bump Watch: Yeah...there's not much there. 


  1. You still look pregnant to me Ana! I'm sorry you're feeling so much anxiety. I hope that your OB visit will help to calm your fears. (((HUGS)))

  2. Your best moment of the week brought a big ol' smile to my face :-D I'm so sorry about the PaIF brain being strong right now. You are definitely not alone in that - I would thing every single woman who got PaIF felt the way you are feeling right now and I'm sure lack of symptoms is unnerving. Just try to take comfort in hearing the heartbeat. PaIF can be a real bitch but remember you ARE pregnant whether you feel like you are or not. I hope your OB appt goes well this week and I pray everything will be PERFECT with your anatomy scan. Sending tons of love! <3

  3. I'm sorry you're strugglying with PAIF brain. I can't believe you're so close to your anatomy scan!!! I hope the baby is looking great and that will give you some peace of mind <3

  4. Um. How come you're 10 weeks ahead of me and my bump is already bigger than yours?!? ;) Pretty sure that means I am going to be huge. Sending you tons of positive thoughts for your anatomy scan.

  5. I'm sorry about the PAIF brain. I can only imagine, and once I start to imagine I usually shut it down because it makes me crazy. Like PPs said, try to focus on that beautiful heartbeat!! Sending love!

  6. Your bump will be there before you know it - you'll blink and there it will be. I remember not having one and then one day realizing I couldn't see my knees unless I bent over my bump. I totally understand the frustration of not being able to walk your dog - I am going to have to stop that soon, too. It's too dangerous if dogs start pulling or, God forbid, get into a fight with another dog while walking. Praying that the anatomy scan is all good news!

  7. I am sorry you are dealing with PAIF brain. I can definitely sympathize, even though I don't have any suggestions for getting past it. I am glad you are able to hear the heartbeat and have some comfort in that. You look great!