6 weeks 1 day

I still can't believe this is real. While we were TTC, I only had a BFP dream once, maybe twice. The dreams that I usually had involved thinking that I was pregnant and then finding out that I was mistaken. Once, Seth and I were at a doctor's office waiting for our first appointment and I suddenly realized that I never actually took a pregnancy test. Even in my dream, I was so embarrassed. Another time, I took about thirty tests and they all had two lines. After telling Seth and going about our business for awhile, I finally read the directions and saw that two lines meant 'not pregnant'.

I know that's not what is happening now. Two lines mean 'pregnant' and I doubt the clinic is playing a joke on me, but I can't help feeling like I'm just pretending to be pregnant. I think we just spent so much time focusing on getting pregnant, that I lost sight of what the outcome would be if it actually worked.

4 more sleeps until our first ultrasound. I'm nervous scared shitless. I am so worried that there won't be a heartbeat or anything at all. I bet most, or at least a lot of, people feel that way regardless of what they went through to get pregnant. I am anxious, but I think I'm handling it just as well as the next guy which feels good considering my history with anxiety. Whenever I start to have doubts I just keep reminding myself that worrying won't change anything. Hopefully the week goes by quickly.