We have a heartbeat!

This morning we went in for our first ultrasound. I was so nervous. I think Seth was a little bit nervous too. Turns out we didn't need to be! Thanks so much for all of the thoughts, prayers, and well wishes!

Dr. M started the ultrasound. It only took him a second to get the image on the screen and right away he said "Everything looks great!". That was sooo good to hear. He showed us the baby and the heartbeat and said that everything is exactly where it should be. After that, he let the tech take some measurements and she said that everything is measuring exactly on track at 6 weeks 5 days. I forgot to ask them, but according to IVF calculators my EDD is January 17th.

That's our baby.

The only problem is with my ovaries. Dr. M said they are still huge and covered with giant cysts. In a way, I'm glad to hear that because it explains some of the pains that I've had. It sucks a little bit though. At first Dr. M cleared me to start exercising again, but then he changed his mind. He said that he'd really feel more comfortable if I continued resting for a few more weeks. Once the placenta takes over, the cysts should start going away. So no exercise for me for now. Seth was so cute - he asked if I was allowed to walk and the doctor said it was fine as long as I wasn't power walking or twisting and Seth said "Okay, so she can walk in a straight line." (I actually can't walk in a straight line. I would never pass the test at a DUI check-point.)

Other than that, everything is going fine so far. Morning sickness kicked in for me a few days ago but it's manageable. I'm really lucky that I'm on my summer schedule because I can just lay down and relax whenever I don't feel well.

Our next ultrasound will be in about two weeks. If everything looks okay we'll graduate to the OB!

6 weeks 1 day

I still can't believe this is real. While we were TTC, I only had a BFP dream once, maybe twice. The dreams that I usually had involved thinking that I was pregnant and then finding out that I was mistaken. Once, Seth and I were at a doctor's office waiting for our first appointment and I suddenly realized that I never actually took a pregnancy test. Even in my dream, I was so embarrassed. Another time, I took about thirty tests and they all had two lines. After telling Seth and going about our business for awhile, I finally read the directions and saw that two lines meant 'not pregnant'.

I know that's not what is happening now. Two lines mean 'pregnant' and I doubt the clinic is playing a joke on me, but I can't help feeling like I'm just pretending to be pregnant. I think we just spent so much time focusing on getting pregnant, that I lost sight of what the outcome would be if it actually worked.

4 more sleeps until our first ultrasound. I'm nervous scared shitless. I am so worried that there won't be a heartbeat or anything at all. I bet most, or at least a lot of, people feel that way regardless of what they went through to get pregnant. I am anxious, but I think I'm handling it just as well as the next guy which feels good considering my history with anxiety. Whenever I start to have doubts I just keep reminding myself that worrying won't change anything. Hopefully the week goes by quickly.

Beta #3

Today was my third - and final - beta! It was 3168 which is still a doubling time of just over 50 hours. Perfectly normal and normal is exactly what I want to be right now.

The first ultrasound is scheduled for next week at 6 weeks 5 days so if everything is going well, we should be able to see a heartbeat. Only 10 more sleeps to go!

That's not the only exciting thing going on around here though. This week, after six long years, Seth will finally be defending his dissertation. I am so excited for him and so proud. He's worked really hard for this and I can't wait to see him present all of his work. I know he's going to do so well and I can't wait to celebrate with him. It's perfect timing too since it will keep me occupied for a few days between now and our next appointment!

Beta #2

Beta #2 came in at 886! That's a doubling time of 50 hours. It seems like most doctors are looking for an increase of at least 66% every 48 hours and mine increased by about 94% every 48 hours. So I guess it's okay. I'm so thankful to be past another check-point.

I feel so nervous though. When the nurse said the number, I thought it seemed too low and my stomach dropped. Now I know it's okay, but I can't shake the bad feelings.

Maybe it's unrelated though. My stomach is still bothering me a lot. The pain wakes me up at night. The list of foods to avoid when you have gastrointestinal stress is exactly the same as the list of foods you should eat when you're pregnant (or anytime you want to be healthy) - meats/protein, fruits, veggies, dairy (yogurt is okay though), healthy fats and oils - so that's making things a little tricky. I'm going to try living on yogurt, soup, bread and peanut butter for a few days to see if that helps. I imagine that this isn't as bad as OHSS so it's probably worth it.

My clinic does beta testing until your hCG reaches 1500 so hopefully I just have one more check to go. I also have the first ultrasound scheduled for week six - just under two weeks to go until that! For now, I'm just going to keep hoping and praying that everything is going well!

Beta #1

It's 232!!

I'm really pregnant!

It still doesn't feel real, but I think that's normal.

My clinic only does betas every 4-5 days, so I won't go back for a second beta until Friday. I'm going to be so anxious all week, but today I'm pregnant.

Finally

It has been 21 months and 24 cycles (21 active) since we first started trying to conceive.

I have been through one surgery and two IVF cycles.

We have spent over $20,000.00. 

I have cried and prayed too many times to count.

It has all been worth it.

Today, I am pregnant.

I am not a patient person and I hate surprises, so I started testing out my trigger on 3dp5dt. The FRER was negative. I tested again on 4dp5dt - another negative. On the morning of 5dp5dt, I couldn't sleep so I got out of bed at 5:30, tested, and took it back to bed with me. When my timer went off, I looked at the test with just the light from my phone.

Holy shit. There was a second line.

I ran back to the bathroom to look at it in the light and there was no doubt that the test was positive. I decided to take a digital test, assuming that it would be negative so that I could use the digitals to see if my levels were rising. I dipped the test and a minute later "Pregnant" popped up. Honestly, that made me a little nervous. I thought maybe since I had been drinking so much extra fluid that the negatives I had were because my pee wasn't concentrated again.

7dp5dt

6dp5dt - More positives! My cycle buddies convinced me that it was extremely unlikely that the tests were still picking up the trigger, especially with the negative tests earlier this week. I started to believe that this might be real.

Today is 7dp5dt and I am so happy to say that I am still pregnant. I think I took four tests this morning and they were all positive. I even tried one of the fancy new digitals that tells you how many weeks you are past ovulation (1-2 weeks for me, which is accurate).

Obviously, I am thrilled. I have doubted so many times whether this would ever happened. I am extremely grateful. I feel so lucky to be pregnant right now and I am going to do my best to try to enjoy each minute. Seth is happy too. He was skeptical at first, but he was much quicker to believe it than I was. I don't think he ever had as much doubt as I did.

Our first official blood test is on Monday. We're praying for a nice strong beta. We're anxious and we're scared, but today we have hope.

I want to thank each and every one of you for being so supportive along the way. Words cannot describe what your friendship has meant to me. I will never ever forget your kindness.

PUPO, plus!

Friday was transfer day. After a nice talk with Dr. M, we decided to go through with the fresh transfer. We also decided that due to the increased risk of OHSS, it was safer to transfer only one embryo. Seth and I both agreed that this was the best decision for us for this cycle.

So, I'm PUPO! 2dp5dt. We transferred one beautiful little 4BB snuggle bunny.

On Friday, Dr. M also said that he was confident that we would have 2-3 frozen embryos because they were already at the target stage of development. There were also three early blastocysts that had potential. The lab was going to give them a bit more time and freeze them on day 6 if they made good progress.

This morning we got the most amazing news (well, second most amazing). Seth and I have six frozen embryos! SIX! We can't believe it. This is a ridiculous improvement over our first cycle. We are beyond thrilled and so, so grateful. Those little guys give us so much hope - something that has been missing from our home for the past few months. I'm calling them our snow bunnies since they came from my April Snuggle Bunnies cycle.

Now we can just keep our focus on the little guy we transferred. Hopefully it's snuggling in for a nice long stay.

How many should we transfer?

I hate even thinking about this. It just feels like setting ourselves up for disappointment. At this point, we don't even know if we'll have more than one embryo to transfer. We don't even know if we'll have one! We don't even know if we want to do a transfer (though we're still leaning towards 'yes'). Still, after we show up at the clinic tomorrow morning there won't be a whole lot of time to make the big decisions. We feel like we need to have our plan of action ready for every scenario.

The American Society of Reproductive Medicine recommends that women under 35 with a favorable prognosis transfer only one blastocyst. That's what we did for our first cycle.

Now we don't fall into the favorable category. We're unfavorable. I'm still well under 35, but we have one failed IVF cycle under our belts and while we're hoping for a different outcome this time, we're not counting on having great quality embryos with plenty to freeze. Because we're unfavorable the recommendation is to transfer two blastocysts.

My biggest concern is the higher risks of complications (both the mother and babies). The other thing we have to consider is that if I were to get pregnant with more than one baby, I would be at an even higher risk of developing late onset OHSS. That is Dr. M's concern, though ultimately the decision is up to us.

I feel like George Michael at his eye exam.

I've never been good at making decisions. Usually Seth is much better, but I think he's afraid to make the call when a lot the burden of the decision could fall on me, depending on what happens.

Hopefully this is one of those situations where you just know/feel what the "right" thing to do is when the time to decide arrives.